The Vanilla Pudding Robbery

*Excerpted from an article which appeared in The Dublin Times about a bank robbery on March 2*


Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash & valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes throughout the bank.

The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, and inside they found only a small tub of vanilla pudding.

As recorded on the bank's audio tape system, one robber said, 'At least we'll have a bit to eat.'

The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding. The process continued until all safes were opened.

They did not find one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered little tubs of pudding.

Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach. The newspaper headline read:

' IRELAND 'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING'.

Overheard at Low Yat

Encountered this interesting conversation at Low Yat last week.

Customer : Excuse me, whats the difference between this (pointing at Brand A 50x thumbdrive) and this (pointing at Brand B 45x thumbdrive)

Sales Rep : Different brand

Customer : ............................

I don't think the sales rep will be keeping his job for long with this kind of mentality.

All in a days work

2 Mak Nyah (man dressed as woman = tranny) came to my shop to do some frame repairs.

Nyah 1 : Hey leng chai, boleh tolong saya dengan ni? (showing me "her" broken frames)
Nyah 2 : (eating banana) Sekarang makan pisang saja boleh.... pisang orang tak dapat.
Me : ..................................
Nyah 2 : Leng chai nampak kacak je hari ini?
Me : Sorry... tak boleh repair.............

My girls was giggling non stop at the back.

Kids are Quick

Got this off the email today.

Sometimes kids are just a bag of laughs.

Other times, they drive us nuts...


TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America ..
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it..

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.


TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right...... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'


TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.


TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.


TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher

The Website is Down : Sales Guy vs Web Dude

Got this youtube link from an email.

All of you got to watch it. Its way hilarious (especially if your an IT person).



P.S I know some of you will think this video is lame but I am a sucker for straight forward corny slap sticks... haha

Where does cabin crew stay?

Have you ever wondered where does the cabin crew sleep during long haul flights?

Here's what I found out


Airbus A340

Boeing 747 - 400

Boeing 777

KLM (I think they got a real cozy bed there don't you think?)

Singapore Airline (I would have thought that SQ would have more comfy beds)

AND

.

.

This one I got a shocker

.

.

Ready??

.

.

AirAsia

Talk about budget on a shoe string. Even the cabin crew facilities are not spared :P

DHL Advertisement

At DHL, they deliver anything

*snickers*

My Day At The Toyota Service Centre

I booked my car in for servicing last week at the Toyota Service Centre in Ipoh. The appointment was for 8.30 and I arrived there on the dot. The service centre here is notorious for its long queues and waiting time so I would always book at the earliest possible time since I normally wait for the car to be done up.

Toyota always emphasizes on genuine parts as showed here

That's my Vios 1.5G being tuned.

This time around it took way longer then normal to get my car done up. But I was not alone. While waiting, I took some rather sleepy pictures.

Disclaimer : If your at the office now and feeling extremely tired, this may not be the right time to see the pictures.

This is what normally happens in a very busy Toyota service centre. Zzz

While waiting for our cars to be ready, we were suddenly disturbed by a high level SNORE. Then we all saw this.........

*Snore...zzzzzz*

I tell ya. He was snoring so loud that some could not help but giggle loudly (me one of them!). Being a bit cheeky, I then moved in closer pretending to take a look at the poster on the wall with my hp cam on hand.

Chick! Chak!

Sleeping Beauty?

Thats what I do nowadays when I get bored. Taking pictures of interesting happenings around me.... haha.

P.S : I am posting this blog with a hint of guilt. I really hope the 2 people featured here don't stumble on my blog.....lol

If We Were Married....

Got this jokes off the email just now. Had a good smile out of it so I am sharing it with you all out here.

Wife: "What are you doing?"
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour."
Husband : "I was looking for the expiry date."



Wife : "Do you want dinner?"
Husband : "Sure! What are my choices?"
Wife : "Yes or no."



Wife: "You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?"
Hubby: "When there is a problem, no matter how great, I look at your picture and the problem disappears."
Wife: "You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?"
Hubby: "Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?"



Stress Reliever Girl: "When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden."
Boy: "It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles."
Girl: "Well that's because we aren't married yet."



Son: " Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."
Mom: "Well, you have done the right thing."
Son: "But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap."



A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"

"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!"



Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever
The guy replies: "Thanks for the early warning."



A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor!"

The Nipple Song

I was browsing through PamSong's Blog today and saw this youtube. Apparently this is an old video.

Its super funny I tell ya. A must see if you have not seen it already.

A typical example that language can really cross barriers.

A Case Of Self Censorship

As you know, most chat boxes censor some words deemed unsuitable for view. In my case the cb I chat in don't have such feature so in other words, everything goes.

Here is a case of censorship (or should i say self induced censorship) happening in a non-censored chatbox.

Disclaimer : The below conversation contains extreme vulgarities. If your not comfortable then stop reading now.

Mabel Chow is sick says..: f**k
AD: mabel chow... y suddenly fuck
N!ck: Mabel Chow is sick says..: f**k <-- how come ur fuck cencored? Chee Hoe: i think thats self cencored lah
naeboo: fuck
N!ck: CH.. everything cencored for her lar..1st hotmail.. now kscb ..hehehe
naeboo: self censore meh
naeboo: no ley.. fuckfuckfuckfuck
naeboo: still comes out what
naeboo: cb got auto censor ka
karena: fuck
naeboo: fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
Stan: ficken !
N!ck: boo..only for mabel
naeboo: takde la
jimmychin.net: omg.. u ppl = =
naeboo: how come only mabel got censor
Mabel Chow is sick says..: hahaha
naeboo: oh fuck. i think igot what nick means now
naeboo: hahahahhahaahahaha
naeboo: so bimbo moment. i thought the cb censor fuck word
jimmychin.net: testing testing.. bitch... fuck... cibai
jimmychin.net: everything OUT @@
Mabel Chow is sick says..: c*ba*i f**k b*tch
N!ck: see boo... everything cencored
yoei: ur cibai got 6 letters?
Stan: aghahahahahaha
Chee Hoe: cibai fuck bitch na*bo*
Chee Hoe: WTF
naeboo: yoei>>some cibai diff sizes ma
Chee Hoe: how come i got censored
Chee Hoe: Sta*
naeboo: chee ho*>> got censor ka?
naeboo: chee ho*>> i think it's ur name la. also bad word
Chee Hoe: na*bo* > yeah... apparently so
naeboo: apparently mine is censor the whor* and ho* words
naeboo: hahahah
Chee Hoe: hahahaha
AD: whore
Stan: whore is censored??
Stan: noo whatt
naeboo: ho*>> i think stan doesnt get the joke
N!ck: ST*N is cencored
naeboo: hahahaha
Stan: ja man
Stan: im lost
Stan: like wtf
Alf: ho* how are you?
naeboo: i wld like to fuck stan in the ho*
Chee Hoe: Stan : you slow lah
Stan: so self censor? cheh
Chee Hoe: lol

When you are so used to saying what you want, a simple self-censorship can through everything into disarray :P

Oh My Brother.... How Painful Can That Be!

Notice : This is another old draft I picked up from my long list of unfinished post.

Encountered a very painful morning today.

My sister was in a rush this morning cause she was late for my car service appointment. Not knowing which one was the service log book, she threw the whole stack of booklets at me to find it for her while i was actually still half asleep with my blanket still up my neck.

Guess where it hit me...................................?Ouch!!

What a morning to start my day eh?

A story about Suhaimi

New years eve, was driving from home to Lumut to catch the boat to Pangkor Island. During that time this memorable conversation occurred.

Me : Sis called, she said not many people are at the jetty today.

Dad : Business must be bad then. This is all caused by Suhaimi.

Me : (looking puzzled). How come Suhaimi causing bad business?

Dad : Because of Suhaimi everyone don't want to travel to Pangkor now.

Me : (still puzzled). Why would that be the case?

Dad : Of course, since the Suhaimi, people don't like traveling to islands anymore.
Me : (Laughing) That's Tsunami NOT Suhaimi dad
Dad : (grins) Oh... izzit? Suhaimi must be that Umno politician then.

My Day At Work

A male customer in his 30's walked in.

Me : Selamat Petang... encik nak buat cermin mata?
Customer : Tengok je.....
Me : Boleh, silakan
Customer : Saya mata tak rosak lah..... tupai atas pokok pun nampak. You tak tau ka.
Me : ...................... (you cheeky bastard)
Customer : Mak saya nak buat.
Me : Boleh.... tiada masalah
Customer : So... mana satu bingkai cantik dan baik. Saya nak tahan 10 tahun punya. Ada yang RM6 punya?
Me : Ada
Customer : Sila tunjuk.... mana?
Me : Kat pasar malam

(Loud laughter from patients on the next cubicle)

Customer : ..............
Me : (nyek nyek nyek)

*Anyway, it ended with the mom making glasses from me regardless... kaching!*

Putera Jaya Bandor

Today was one of those days in which both my 2 girls are not around when I needed them to look for a patient record. Anyways, while searching for a patient record of mine, i stumbled upon a very interesting name (a young boys name). I guess the father must be a pretty patriotic kind of guy since he named his son Putera Jaya Bandor.


In our native Perak slang, bandar (town) is pronounced as bandor. So in short his name translated to English is "Town of Puterajaya". This boy is 12 this year old and not to my surprise, I found this information off the net regarding Putrajaya.

"29^th August 1995 Prime Minister Dato Seri Dr. Mahathir Muhammad officiates the launching of Putrajaya at the Putrajaya project site."

Yup! Thats exactly 12 years ago. The father must have loved our country so much to name his son after the Federal Government Administrative Centre.

I on the other hand pity his son. Imagine you being called Putera Jaya wherever you go. That would be embarassing.

Dear Santa : My Christmas Wish (On Steroids)

As Christmas is just a stone's throw away, many would be anticipating the coming Christmas presents that they would be getting. Last year was a pretty good year for me. Had about 8-10 pressie's and most of them were things that I liked.

Anyways, Christmas is also a time we wish Santa would "actually" give us something that we really want.

So here goes..........

Dear Santa, I have been a real good guy this year, so here is my top 5 wish list that I hope you would be giving me this coming Christmas.

Firstly I would die for a babe. Nothing fancy just a girl with a killer body, dazzling eyes, alluring smile and a majestic persona. Ideally, a bikini clad hottie popping out of a box with confetti's flying all over and slowly gliding down upon us. That's a great start for Christmas don't you think?

Secondly, I would like of money. I know your Santa bag has limited space and I'm sure you need the extra space for other people's gift as well, so you can just wire the money to me via my bank account. Just put in a one in front and as many 0's as the eyes can see.



As you know, I am not selfish. I won't be asking you for a house, a sports car or anything materialistic like many childish kid. I would just use the money that you gave me and buy them myself. So me being a good kid and all, and knowing that you also grant wish of the mind, body and soul, I wish that you can give me good health. Its a simple wish really, all I want is good health and a healthy stamina in whatever physical activities that I would be doing be it on and off the field. Of course longevity is a must as I would want to use up the money that you gave me. I am not the type that don't appreciate what is given to me. So I guess prolonging my life expectancy and my youth for the next 200 years would do.


4th on my wish list would be a magnanimous one. Everyday I read wars being let loose, killers on a killing spree and many more unwanted crimes that is causing mankind to suffer. I know many is of our own doing and to a certain extent we do really ask for it but I would really hope that you being the generous person you are would grant me this wish.... world peace. So starting the 25th December 2007, we will no longer need to worry about wars, innocent human beings being killed, suicide bombers, kidnaper's, serial murders and all other unwanted crime. I know its a really big wish to ask from you but i do hope you will grant it for me and also for all mankind. This way I will be able to spend my money peacefully without worrying about others harassing me or trying to do harm to me. You know how it is at the moment, the second they know you are rich they will think of ways to kidnap you for money and other sick and sinister plots.

My fifth and final wish is the easiest of all. Won't even need you to break a sweat.

I wish for 10 wishes next Christmas.

Regards,

Chee Hoe

(Got bored thus writing craps.... haha)

A Political Satire : Minister of Misinformation

I am sure many people would have heard of the BERSIH campaign in KL that transpired not too long ago. Anyways, our Minister of Information was interviewed by Al-Jazeera not too long after the incident. Many would agree that his reply during the interview was a bit un-minister like. Anyways, have a look at this two youtube and tell me which one you like best? The original or the guy with the black coat.

The Original

Satire

MV - Safe Sex

This one is funny. A must see for those that have not had a proper sex education on safe sex!

MV - Owe You 10 Dollar

This song is originally called "Thousand Miles Away", a duet song by Jay Chow & Fai Yoke Ching (sorry peps, I don't know his English name).

The one I am showing now on is a parody called Owe you 10 Dollar. The lyrics is hilarious.

P.S Can anyone translate the lyrics to english? Please put in comments or email me if you can. Thanks!

The Ingenious Cameraman

Went to a wedding today. As usual its one of those boring weddings with you sitting there doing nothing the whole night.

The highlight of the night was actually not the bride and groom but the cameraman that was filming the whole event. Just shows how ingenious one can be in their work.

My first impression was, "what the hell is a switch doing hanging on his belt?". He seems to be using it to charge his camera. Pretty good idea but i would have thought having a couple of spare battery would have done the trick.